The Next Season

First things first: Steve and I had a wonderful time away for our 16th anniversary! A very special thank you to our "extended family" here in Lacey for the incredible gift basket and accommodations to the Salish Lodge and Spa. The room, meals, and spa treatments were incredible. To all of our CarePages Family, we were so touched by your overwhelming outpouring of

well-wishes for our anniversary! I just have to share one of our favorite cards we received for our anniversary because we both just laughed and embraced one another because we instantly felt it was so true -- the card read: "Happy Anniversary! You two have the longest honeymoon on record! Congratulations!"

The next news is that my quarantine has been lifted. What does the lifting of the quarantine mean? It doesn't mean anything has changed about my health. It only means that the life- threatening contraction of respiratory influenza is no longer a major concern. Peak flu season for the winter is over. I am still suffering from CMV and its effects. The best way to describe this virus is that it clinically mimics the mononucleosis virus. So, that is the best way to describe how I feel. I feel like I have mononucleosis. The doctors have said I can possibly feel like I have mono for months up to a couple of years (yes, years!) because of how strong of a viral load I have had. The most debilitating symptoms from the CMV that I am combating are the overwhelming exhaustion/fatigue and fevers. Due to my brainstem compression, I am still struggling with episodic bouts of crushing headaches but I have started a new medicine that helps with intracranial pressure and it seems to be helping so that is good news to report! My abdominal pain continues but the jaundice seems to have cleared up so that is also good news to report! It is really the major fatigue that is getting to me the most right now. I have to be honest with this news of the end of my quarantine. Many of you are probably more excited with this news than I am. Please let me explain. I fear many of you felt I was in misery in my isolation and yes, while I longed to see many of you, or to run "needed" errands, and just be "busy" with the things of life; I also was learning the joy of peaceful living and quiet existence. I tend to often overdo; even when not feeling well. Having "rules" forced me to take better care of myself. I usually go until I can go no further and then just collapse from exhaustion. The last many weeks have been so different and I have learned so much about the importance of solitude and rest for the body, mind, and soul. I literally sat and watched a peace lily open over several hours and felt no rush to be doing something else. Oh what peace that truly was. I sat and listened to the sounds and rhythms of nature without the distractions of technology and the pressings of a day planner. I had uninterrupted time at the feet of Jesus and no plans of busyness to pull me away. So, please understand my tempered excitement about rejoining the "busyness" of this thing we all call "life." I just pray that mine will look radically different based upon what I have had the privilege to experience over the last eleven weeks -- a very, sweet, precious, eleven weeks.

The last rounds of labs have come back negative. The clinical picture is complicated because the CMV virus can be a contributing factor in many of the body systems involved with my symptoms. Additionally, the on-

going issues of the posterior brainstem compression and muscular dystrophy have to be considered in making a diagnosis. The doctors have presented us with two options: (1) start down the path of an overwhelming number of procedures and tests to find the currently elusive disease process/possible malignancy or (2) sit back and wait a little while for increased "clarity" and "preciseness" in the symptoms to provide better direction. The latter option will give time for the CMV to go dormant and not

confuse the clinical picture. The second option will also give specific direction for testing, minimization of

radiation exposure, facilitation of right specialists, etc. Obviously, at first glance, this is not an easy decision. After much prayer, Steve and I have decided on option #2. We feel strongly this is where the Lord is leading us -- to take a long,

deep breath, and wait for a season - and to trust Jesus with the timing of all things. We don't make this decision lightly and we understand this is not the decision that all would make if in our place and we respect that as well.

As many of you know, good health has been something that has eluded me now for over two decades. It has definitely been a growing experience and I am sure I have only learned a fraction of what has been possible to glean from it all! I believe there are different seasons in sickness. There are seasons where you pursue hard after answers and healing; we have lived those seasons. And then there are seasons where you sit in contentment and trust Jesus' timing for answers and healing; we have lived those seasons in the past and we are living that season now. Pursuing hard after answers and healing is exhausting physically and emotionally. It is easy for me to get wrapped up in the pursuit of perfect or good health and for it to become an idol in my life that I worship instead of Jesus. If perfect health is all that I am seeking, then it becomes about the gift I am seeking and not about The Giver of all good gifts. I am treasuring the gift above The Giver of Life itself. Jesus is

the all-satisfying gift and that is where I will find my true joy, not in good or perfect health. So this day, I choose the pursuit of true joy and wait with contentment for answers and healing in His time.

In closing I am reminded of this passage of scripture:

In response to the Apostle Paul pleading with Christ to take away his ailment, his "thorn in the flesh", the Lord replied, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Thanks for checking in on us. Please pray we will have wisdom and clarity in the season ahead. Pray for strength and healing.

Lee

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Messages

Kelly Anderson

April 26, 2011, 2:04 PM

Thank you for that reminder- I appreciate your wisdom and pray that you don't get overtaken in busyness. Love you, Kelly

Tamara Longworth

April 26, 2011, 2:17 PM

Your strength and love for our Lord never ceases to amaze me. You are an inspiration to us all, and a true role model as to how we should all handle the bumps and valleys in life, and how we should embrace each day with peace and solitude at the feet of Jesus. Praying for good health and clear answers for you along your path.

Melissa Marks

April 26, 2011, 2:32 PM

Your gentle reminder of pursuing the giver and not the gift was a needed word in my life right now. What a joy it was to read your note....to see that you are keeping your eyes

on the prize and letting this life fall to its rightful place. May God continue to grant

you grace and strength to keep your eyes on Him no matter what this life brings you. He alone deserves the glory! I love you my friend.

Link Hudson

April 26, 2011, 2:47 PM

" ... and to trust Jesus with the timing of all things." What great wisdom there is in those few words. Thank you for being a vessel that God speaks through.

Debby Swecker

April 26, 2011, 3:25 PM

Love ya both.

Nola von Neudegg

April 26, 2011, 4:02 PM

Chasing peace in our lives is like trying to catch a butterfly. The more we vigorously run after it, the more elusive it is. But if we can just learn to sit down and be very still and relax, it quietly and gently descends upon us and shares its beauty and tranquility. It is

when we choose to be still and be okay with where we are that we experience peace. Lee, you set a good example for all of us to spend more time just being still. Hugs to you my friend, Nola Bill & Bev Matney April 26, 2011, 4:22 PM Lee, Our prayers are with you and we know that God has something special in store for you. It is good to hear your positive trust in the Lord and know that you can do this next stage. Bill and Bev Matney

Jan Bennett

April 26, 2011, 5:05 PM

Thank you for your sweet sermon. We will be praying for both of you. Jan and John Bennett

Kelly Wahle

April 26, 2011, 5:23 PM

Hi Lee (and Steve), I've been following your CarePage for over two years and have commented a handful of times, but not as often as I'd like. I have some chronic health issues as well, though different than yours. I wanted to comment today because I wanted to tell you that I feel like you are a big sister to me without knowing it. You are someone who I look to for wisdom on how to navigate my own journey. I don't often feel up to writing/commenting, but I want you to know that you are an inspiration to me. Long story long, my health issues made my life come to a screeching halt 5 1/2 years ago, (though the last six months have been the absolute worst as I developed another issue reared its head and had surgery on my head for it). I have been homebound almost all of the 5 1/2 years and often times bedbound like I

have been the last six months. I completely identify with what you said about having tempered excitement about your

new freedom because the silence has been so good. My chronic illnesses put limitations on me that I can not "push" through as I did before they disabled me 5 1/2 years ago. I cannot go to church, volunteer ect ect. Over the last 6 months, I have realized it to be such an *honor* to be in my position though. I know that must

sound crazy to many people. But, I feel honored that this is God's plan for me. It is an extremely difficult path and sometimes nightmarish. But, there is a gift underneath all of it. I am so close to him when I am clinging to him or simply being held. What you said about the silence resonated with me. The silence and time to be with God...the slowness of my life has connected me, rooted me to the Lord (and myself) in ways I never knew or could have known before or without this experience. Thank you for sharing because it

validated how I feel and what I live through. I also understand what you are saying about seeking the Giver of Life and good gifts instead of the gift of perfect health. I know some people only want healing for me and nothing less. But, I feel God has given me a peace and a freedom in his plan for me even if it is being chronically ill for the rest of my life. If I share this view with some people, they think I have "given up" on healing or better health. It is not that. It is that I have let go to the grace that God has for me and it feels better than trying to control everything. However, it has taken 5 years for me to finally be satisfied and free in this place after so many years of struggling within his arms, throwing temper tantrums,

making demands and begging for mercy. It is still so difficult, but I know by experience now what is meant when it it is said "I go to the rock of my salvation." He is my rock. I hope you don't mind me sharing with so much of my experience you. I guess I feel a bit like you would understand where others wouldn't. I have a carepage too. Like I said earlier, I wanted to reach out to you when I felt good enough to write a bit and let you to know that I

see how much grace and wisdom God has given you over these many years of difficult health and thank you for sharing so someone like me could learn from you and feel validated. Thank you and the glory be to God. By the way I am praying for you and Steve for the season ahead. Kelly Wahle

jim maples

April 26, 2011, 5:39 PM

Lee, Sorry about the absence of the gene but I love you and pray for you every day. I know you know but now you really know that God's grace is sufficient. I pray for an overflowing outpouring of His grace to cover you. I love you my precious little girl (for

that is what you will always be). Love, Dad

Royce Brooks

April 26, 2011, 7:10 PM

A beautiful testimony of learning one of God's deepest truths: Jesus Christ is our joy, our peace, our strength, our hope. Life on this earth will always have its ups and its downs, but when we begin to understand that He is sovereign and that He is all we need, we start to really experience His peace. We are very thankful to hear that your "house arrest" has been lifted, but also pray that the lessons learned these past weeks will help you not take on too much!

(advice from one who understands that tendency all too well, but is making progress in my

"old age"). I'm anxious to catch up on lots of things from you (bus trip to Seattle Sunday and the Service there, the progress at the lake house, etc.) and the many things

going on here. I'll try to call or email before the end of the week. Love to you and Steve!!

Lucy Hosenfeld

April 26, 2011, 9:58 PM

Lee, I am new to CarePage, but I am so thrilled to finally hear how you guys are doing! I've been thinking about you a lot for some reason, must be God telling me to pray! I'm so sorry to hear about Jasper, I know what a comfort he was to you. I will lift you up in prayer, always. Thank you for your wonderful, encouraging words. We miss you guys! Andy and Lucy Hosenfeld

Ruth Warner

April 27, 2011, 2:30 AM

The anniversary outing sounds wonderful! It's nice you had the opportunity to enjoy nature at the beautiful Salish Lodge. I'll pray for wisdom, clarity, strength and healing.

Linda Hamilton

April 27, 2011, 3:46 AM

Thank you so much for sharing your heart with all of us....will definately continue praying for you both.

Susan Jenkinson

April 28, 2011, 10:31 PM

Once again, in my search for how to pray specially for you, you minister to me. It has been a rocky two years for us. Don got laid off and I had my second back surgery almost two years ago exactly. Unemployment checks only last for so long. Once those ended, finances went from bad to worse. Don made quite a bit more than i did. Bills did not decrease but income dropped by about 65%. However, this month, God provided Don with two part-time jobs. He got his first paycheck today which has

done so much for him mentally and emotionally. Praise the Lord! This January, Don's heart problems got worse and he ended up with a pace-maker. Now we are waiting for a biopsy to determine if Don has prostate cancer. I did not share that for any other reason than this...once again, out of your trials, God spoke to me through you. As you know I am a person who worries. In fact, if it were an Olympic event I would take home the gold. Thank you for helping me refocus. As always, it is my honor to lift you up to our

Heavenly Father. Although you seems to have more trials than most, I have seen God move in obvious and might ways in your life more than anyone I know. I count it a blessing to be able to be a part of that through praying for you both. I love you and miss you. Susan Hatton Jenkinson

Mary Ellen Costa

April 30, 2011, 4:50 AM

Lee: I pray that you and Steve are able to enjoy some of the simple things in life right now, as you wait for your illnesses to better present themselves. It's hard to find enjoyment

sometimes, but I have found it through quilting - a hobby I always wanted to try but never did until I was sick. Unfortunately, I have not had the strength to go back to it since last May when I developed the superior vena cava syndrome on top of everything else. It's hard for me to sit in a chair at my sewing machine or to bend over to cut fabric, etc. But it's my spring goal to get back to it as best as I can. In the meantime, I found joy early this morning when I set the alarm clock for 4am and watched the royal wedding. It was beautiful and it was so nice to see Kate and William so happy! I hope you may have some hobbies that make you happy. Please let me know if you need anything - I will do my best to get anything you need (or just want) to you! Thank you for your ongoing support! Hugs, Mary Ellen Costa

sue ensign

May 4, 2011, 3:09 AM

Lee, your posts always bring me right back to thinking about keeping the main thing, the main thing. Thanks for sharing your insights. Susan<><

Amy Moore

May 6, 2011, 3:56 AM

Dear precious friends of mine, I have read through every word you have shared about this journey God has been taking you on. It has been so long since Chris and I have seen you, but

you have often been in my thoughts as to where you were, what you were doing, and how you were doing. Little did I know that

life continued to hand you more struggles with each passing stage of life. My whole family has been keeping track of your journey since learning of this site. At this point I don't know the words to say except; to say that you have always been an inspiration to me for as long as I can remember, as individuals, as Christians, and as a couple.

I know you have to have your times of doubt and discouragement, maybe even daily, but you always let Christ light shine through your faith. I long to have your pursuit of true joy instead of the things we see as most important to our human bodies. I can't believe it has been 16 years since that wonderful wedding weekend we shared with you. I am so thankful you were able to have a special retreat together

to celebrate the wonderful marriage God has blessed you with. I would say that I am extremely sorry for all you are going through and all you have gone through, but as much as I am truly sorry for your pain, I also know that you would not be the person you are today having not gone through these struggles, nor

would God have been able to teach me and so many others through your lives. I do hurt for you both in so many ways. I wish I could be there to love on you as I would like to, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I look forward to every update you post. I would love to get an update on both of your families when you feel like typing. You can email me any time at or reach me on facebook. Chris is the youth pastor at First Baptist Church Madisonville, where Lon Shoopman is pastor(you might remember his parents from Wallace). We have a wonderful little girl, Mary Beth who will be 6 in September. We live in Madisonville, TN now which is not far from Knoxville so if you ever get the chance to come back this way we would love to visit. I look forward to hearing from you and hope you are feeling some relief from pain as you read this message. With much love, Amy O'Dell Moore

Mary Ellen Costa

May 8, 2011, 11:39 PM

Hi Lee! I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that I'm thinking about you and hoping that you are feeling well! Mary Ellen Costa