Still Whispering; Can You Hear Us?

First, I want to thank so many of you who reached out and heard my "whisper" to pray for Steve and me. Thank you for the messages, cards, meals, and comments here on Post Hope. I wish I could say that my weariness has improved and I am no longer whispering to my God to lift my soul. The past days have been rough. I had a procedure Tuesday to place a feeding tube into my intestines and by-passing my stomach. So many medical supplies, routines, timed feedings - just a little overwhelming right now. I still go to the hospital infusion center twice a week for 7 hours each day to get hydration infusions. My new peripheral line that comes out of my arm is being difficult and it looks like today's infusion is a bit more complicated and will require extra hours here at the hospital. We hope the new feeding tube routine might reduce that time some as I get nutrition and hydration lower in the GI tract for better absorption. I got into see the cardiologist at the UW Heart Institute. I am currently wearing a 7 day heart monitor to determine if I need a pacemaker implanted. I was cleared to have my thumb reconstructed (too many dislocations) and that will happen on Friday, February 28th. I continue to be faithful in doing my home PT/OT exercises for my joints. So.... that's pretty much the new medical facts. Pretty straight forward.

I wish my emotions were so straight forward! I know God's plans for me go far past the physical. They go deeper; they are plans to prosper my soul; bring a deeper healing in my soul. I communicated with my pastor yesterday and here is a summary of what I said:"What to say ........God has me in a deep place; a place that is only doable in His strength. Each morning I find myself dreading waking up initially. I wake up in chronic pain from head to toe, I'm nauseous, and find myself with overwhelming exhaustion although I have slept all night. The morning medical routines of dealing with the overnight feeding pump, IV poles, tube flushings, checking central lines and many many meds to take - just before getting fully awake challenge my morning perseverance I find myself crying out to Jesus each morning to please help me - Lord, I need your strength, I need your courage, I need your endurance, I need your smile and sweet spirit to do life today. I can't do this myself."

The upside: Needing Jesus to just get out of bed is a sweetness that fills my soul and allows me to start the blessed day He has given me filled with great meaning - an urgent call to comfort others who are struggling or lost in their pursuit of a fleeting joy. The weaker I am the harder I have to lean on God and the more I lean on Him the stronger I find Him to be!

Suffering isn't something to try and escape. I hate feeling so weak but I want to find God in the midst of suffering and see what he wants to teach me; to show me. I want to seize the day and make the most of each God blessed moment and squeeze out of it every ounce of opportunity of eternal investment that I can.` I have had a hymn in my mind this week from the 1880's -

_"Softly and Tenderly"._

"Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling;

Come home ye who are weary, come home;

oh for the wonderful love he has promised;

Love he has promised for you and for me;

Though we have sinned; he has mercy and pardon

Earnestly and tenderly Jesus is calling

Come home ye who are weary, come home "

I am weary and have been caught up in these words all week. I can only imagine the joy of being with my Savior and being in a new glorified body that works! Come home ye who are weary, come home may not happen now for me but I can wait with baited breath for the day I see my Redeemer come for me!

My wise pastor sent me these words as my day began. They are from a Lauren Diagle song "Rescue".

"I will send down an army to find you in the middle of the darkest night,

It's true, I will rescue you."

I am in great need of his rescuing power in the middle of this fierce storm May his ear be turned to my exhausted whispers above the storm.

God, if I cant be healed, then show me how to live, especially how to live for you in this broken vessel.

Thank you to our family and friends who care so much!

We thank you for taking the time to check in on us and share our blog with others it might encourage who are facing tough times. We love you!

Lee and Steve

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Comments

Jane Levin:

Oh sweet friends we continue to stand in prayer with you and for you. All our love.

Gene and Melissa Marks :

Dear friend, what weariness I hear in your words yet a steadiness to keep walking forward in the days you are given. I am so challenged by your example of living each moment sharing your hope with those you come in contact with. Oh the joy it will be when you see your Savior and hear well done! Love you my friend and am blessed to be walking with you.

Kelly Anderson:

Kirk and I are praying for you and Steve, we love you both. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences as we continue to intercede and lift your needs up to our Lord, The King of the Universe!

Jim Dickson:

Lee, I recognised in you a fighter and survivor the first time I met you, and I sense in you a strength that is seldom seen. I encourage you to continue to use this strength to put forward the fight to survive, and remember the verse on the wall that you passed each time you came into my office. Steve, I can only imagine the difficulty you have in managing everything you do, and can only repeat what I have told you in the past. If you need to just talk, make my phone ring, or if a quiet visit would help, I am close - just reach out.

Semper Fi , your Friend Jim

Amy Garland:

Precious friend-I am praying to our Jehovah Jireh-knowing that He fully sees you and that He has so faithfully in the past and will faithfully continue to make provision for you and each of your needs. In my current season of life, God is teaching me that He is working all things together for good for those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose.....even when I really, really don't see it and really don't feel it--- He sees and orchestrates what my limited vision cannot see and He keeps His promises!! Praying you feel His Presence, His Peace, and His Strength given to you for each moment. much love- Amy

Tamara Longworth:

Your strength, courage, faith and love for our Jesus always continue to amaze me. Living through my own storm and learning to praise and thank Him in the midst, waiting for what it is He wants to teach me. Think of you often and your whispers. You've set the bar high for such a wonderful example, my friend. Love, tears, and many prayers for you, Steve and all your suffering.

Ellen Bunch :

Lee Bob as long as I have known you, you've been a fighter. You're an inspiration to me and you amazes me to know everything you've been through and going through you give Good the glory. I think I'm going to start calling you Job God I ask that you wrap your loving arms around Lee and if it's your will please heal her body. Please watch over her and give her comfort and watch over Steve also. Love you guys, if I lived close I'd come help with anything you needed done

Katheryn Morgan:

I read this in a devotion from Sarah Young "Jesus Calling" this morning and wanted to pass it on to you. Bring Me your weakness, and receive My Peace. Accept yourself and your circumstances just as they are, remembering that I am sovereign over everything.

Do not wear yourself out with analyzing and planning. Instead,

let thankfulness and trust be your guides through this day; they will keep you close to Me. As you live in the radiance of My Presence, My Peace shines upon you. You will cease to notice how weak or strong you feel because you will be focusing on Me. The best way to get through this day is step by step with Me. Continue this intimate journey, trusting that the path you are following is headed for Heaven. Psalm 29:11; Numbers 6:24--26; Psalm 13:5 The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace. --- Psalm 29:11 I am continuing to pray for you!

Tony Grande:

Lee, You and Steve are in our prayers. Praying that God will grant you healing and strength in the waiting. Thank you for continually pointing us to Jesus in the midst of your suffering and reminding us that we are in the palm of His hand. We love you both!

Elizabeth Holmes:

Continuing to pray for you. What a strong faith you have in the midst of all surrounding you.

sandra henry:

Lee and Steve, my heart hurts for you. You have suffered for so long, and your faith never wavers. I continue to pray that you will have relief from the pain, doctors, and procedures. Wanted to share an 80s version of Softly and Tenderly that's one of my favorites. Sending you lots of love from Tennessee.

Kurt Kroschel:

Lee and Steve The Father delights in you, his children. He is knitting your hearts closer to his and to each other. Receive this day all his whispers and shouts of love. It's a joy to pray for you.

Steve Braden:

One of my verses tomorrow for Sunday School is Philippians 4:13. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. You have been through so much. I don't know many people who would not have given up by now. BUT, you draw strength from Christ. You minister to other. You encourage so many. Uncle Steve and I are continuing to pray for you and Steve. We are sending our love to you both

Sandy Temple:

Praying for you, sweet friend! I love you!

Cherie Leyva:

Oh Lee I pray for you everyday. You came to visit me in my time of need. I wish I could visit you. I often ask God why some must suffer more than others. His strength lives within you and your strength shows everyday. We love and adore you here at LFD3. Stay strong 💪 my friend you got this. I can't wait to hear your beautiful accent coming down the hallway at 31❤ Cherie

Donna J Bembeneck:

Steve and Lee, Thank you for sharing your story. It was inspirational and my heart really hurt for u after I read it. We are your new neighbors and you reached out to us..giving us info on the area and supporting us in our time of challenges. U are truly beautiful people. I will keep you in my prayers. Donna, (Weathers family).